Honest: Getting the Best of Me

Well, this is the second day in a row that I was planning to have an ombre hair tutorial posted for you. It's in the works, but honestly life is getting the best of me right now. I usually hate lame excuses like that when bloggers don't blog and when posts are inconsistent, but this week that has been my life. I have had a sick and/or teething baby since Friday night, and while that sounds sad, it doesn't begin to describe the mental state it has reduced me to. I love my baby, and it hurts me to have him hurt, but it also makes me go insane.

Bear with me while I fill you in on the details of my mental breakdown, but I promise it gets slightly more positive near the end. Let's start with the fact that this week it is that time of the month for me. I walked into this whole situation emotionally rocky and iron deficient. And add to that that I have not had my van this week - Soren has had to take it to work, leaving us carless. Normally this would be fine. It has not been so fine this week.

Every night since Friday I have been woken up by a very sad baby multiple times because he is coughing or uncomfortable with a fever. Not to mention the other two kiddos have been randomly stealing my spot in our bed from me or just plain wetting it.

During the day, I'm dealing with a three-year-old who will not keep a pair of underwear dry to save his life and cannot be bribed to do so. I bought him a bag of jelly beans to reward him for each time he goes in the potty. But guess who could care less about the jelly beans? Now guess who ate the entire bag herself? Me, that would be me.

All day long for the past four days, the fussing and the whining from an understandably sick babe is really difficult to bear. I was super patient the first day, but each day has been harder and harder to keep it up. I have been worn thin. Walking around trying to pick up the house, make dinner, find toys, and even teach preschool with a 25-pound baby who is constantly trying to get out of my arms or grab things that are out of reach is like a death sentence. There is no better workout - I'm convinced.

And one more energy drain?All the nursing! I am definitely dehydrated because nursing makes the baby feel better, which I get, but the extra nursing is exhausting. The poor babe hasn't taken a decent nap in days and I really do feel so bad for him. I know he is tired and must be miserable, but at this point, it is all I can do to not feel selfish. I can honestly say I have never felt this emotionally worn thin as a mom yet. It's tough. The leap from two to three has been a doozy. You're now convinced you want three kids too, right?

Thankfully, I have a husband who could see the hysterical state I was in when he finally did get home, and he promptly sent me out of the house. There was no other option - send me away or watch me explode. I left and wasn't even sure what to do - what I wanted to do was sleep! I drove to my usual escape, Savers, but the worst part was that I actually let myself feel guilty for needing the escape. I kept wondering how long I was allowed to be gone and what was the 'right' way to be spending the time away from the house. I even ended up grocery shopping because we needed the food. You get it right? Rough day. Yours was probably rougher. But for me, this was a low one.

The point of me sharing this is one: so that I can get it all out of my system, and two: so that you know that I don't have it all together. I was in tears all evening and ate a forth of a cake between tears before Soren got home. It sucked. On my way home, I was listening to music and feeling tired and just bugged that things have been hard. I was thinking and heard some lyrics in a song that reminded me of this scripture. 

"He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it." Matt. 10:39

It totally was one of those moments where I thought - yep, I'm losing my mind... so that I can find it. In no way do these frustrations or crappy feelings and long days mean that having three kids (or more!) was the wrong choice. It means it was the right choice! I didn't know I was lost, but the me that I will find through these tear-inducing days is going to be a better one than I am right now. It is the best me I want to be. The more I overcome, the more my family gets the best me that there is. So I'm sucking it up and trying again. I'm not going to let the pressure get the best of me, but instead let the pressure work to build the best me.  

Have you been feeling like you are losing your mind lately? How do you get it back? 


  1. Oh I just had to comment, my jump from 2 to 3 kids was wayyyy more difficult then I anticipated!!! Every day is a little easier, but holy moly some days I feel like i'm treading water constantly!! Hope tomorrow's a better day for you :)

  2. 1. This post was seriously sorta funny…but 2. I feel for ya. I don't have 3 kids but I do have an 8mo old and a 3yr old…and that its just about enough for me! Hand in there Mama…and thanks for sharing and making the rest of us feel normal! lol

  3. I have two kids, the little one turned 2 last week. I DO understand how you feel.... Wish your baby to get over as soon as possible! Hold on Kilee!

  4. Hi there, I'm new to your blog but I'm so glad I found it:) I am a Mom of four boys and I totally GET it! Those days feel so never ending! I'm praying for some rest in your life and for a healthy, happy baby too:) hang in there girl! I'm looking forward to the ombré post! I've been thinking of trying it for a whole now, but I'm all blonde now do I'm a little scared.

  5. I get it! I only have one boy and he is almost 10. I swear it feels like it's getting worse as he gets older rather than better. It always seems like a fight to get him moving or homework done. At least when he was little, I could wrestle the little animal into clothes! School is harder, homework is harder and most nights that is all we get to do. I work over 50 hours a week from home and then have my second job as a parent. You know what I mean, laundry, cleaning, cooking, paying bills and of course, taking care of the boy and husband. It's hard to always feel so stretched and I wonder if I am giving my famy all I can give. I have been at melt down point for a bit just waiting to explode. Vacation is coming soon, so it's making it harder to keep it together. I had to sneak out to Starbucks last night to get a few minutes to myself. I came back much happier and much calmer!! Sometimes you have to give yourself time in order to be able to give your family quality time later! No one is perfect but moms are really close!!!
    Hoping the baby starts feeling better! The sanity will return , just keep your chin up!

  6. sweet mama… we all understand! Three years ago we made the jump from 2 children to 3. I was much older than the first time (34 to be exact) and I thought I would totally be able to handle all the changes with no problems. My older two were in school and I knew I could rock this new mama thing again! I just knew this baby wouldn't have colic or 3 years of constant ear infections and doctors and ear surgeries or reflux . Well… he did. He ended up having colic too… and I thought too I was going to go crazy. How could I get the other two kids to school and piano practice and soccer and dance and homework and have a colicky baby??? How could I go to PTA meetings and still have friends and energy for my husband and still have time for my big kids? All I can say is that first year is HARD. No matter what… it is HARD. and It is OK to say that. Yes… many people are going through worse. And believe me… I understand that.. my oldest brother died from cancer when he was 16 and I was just 2! So… when I would say my frustrations… I would feel the guilt know that so many people are going through so much worse. But honestly… I don't think God wants us to think that way. All of our problems and frustrations and hurts are important to God. And they are real! It is good to acknowledge that sometimes we can't get it together… It is a good reminder that we don't have to do it alone. God wants us to cast all our anxiety on him… He will get us through. It is good to remember… you don't have to be a supermom. Thats what frozen dinners and movie days/nights are for…. sometimes you have to just take a step back and say… this is hard and I need you God to get us through. He will. Remember… you are the mama He chose for those babies… He has equipped you.. and He knows you will get overwhelmed. In your weakness He is strong. You are beautiful. You are a wonderful mama. You are an amazing creation.

  7. That jump from 2 to 3 kids is challenging. And after almost 3 years, I think I am finally getting it. My poor hubby and kids for dealing with me the last 3 years. :) You will get through this! Thanks for sharing.

  8. Poor mama! I totally feel ya! I've got 4littles and baby is 3mos old. I remember times when I was at my wits end with teething, etc....that if they woke early from their nap I would cry! I totally needed that break! I would leave them safe in their crib and get in the shower & soak.......maybe terrible but I knew baby was safe and I needed that little break to gain some perspective & love for my kids again. Hang I there! This too shall pass! Love your Godly perspective too! It seems that with each child I have a little more selfishness is extracted from my life, but it sure is painful!

  9. My sister has always said the jump from 2 to 3 was the hardest. I myself haven't made that jump and it looks like 2 is where we are staying. Yes, I feel like I'm going to loose my mind daily....homework is the worse and we are only in 2nd grade (notice I said, "we").

  10. Awww, Kilee. Hang in there. I've had my fair share of emotional break downs since Wesley's been born. It is so hard to keep it together. You feel like you're being pulled in every direction, because you are! Momma knows! And I find myself just crying with a bowl of cookie dough in my lap often. You are seriously not alone! One thought that keeps me going: have you heard of that saying - "Heavenly Father will only give you as much as you can handle"? Well, I think it goes further - He gives you MORE than you can handle, because it's at that moment that you turn to Him.
    Thanks for sharing this - so many moms (including me) relate - I promise!

  11. 3 is so much harder than 2! Even though my baby is almost 2 1/2 now it is still a challenge. Every day gets easier though, and I'm hoping that it keeps getting better every day. Although we are all sick at our house which makes the world feel like it is ending (and is that time of the month at my house too).


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